From Carl the Open-minded Chauvinist
Anyway, I was just busy getting things organized (we’re getting married in three short months) and just didn’t think I was going to have time to post something. But then something happened.
I wasn’t having ANY fun. In fact, I was having a distinctly bad time. Why? Well, you see, I had bought into the traditional idea that the wedding is HER day and that I, the guy, should simply pop the question then shut up and let her do her thing.
As a friend of mine once said, weddings are for the bride, and honeymoons are for the groom.
So as I watched my fiancé suddenly tackle all of the plans, occasionally asking my opinion but not really involving me in any of the planning, and as I watched her stress levels rise and rise and rise, and as I watched me suddenly turning into nothing but the guy who will run his hands along her back while she surfs the internet to look for invitations, or venues, or whatever, I was suddenly thinking, “Well, this is a new side to Susan I’ve never seen before.” And those 36 hours weren't that fun. I had visions of her being this stressed over the next 3 months, and I wasn’t that happy. So as she bounced around between several different windows on her computer, looking at venues for our reception, I finally asked if she would rather I run the computer and she do the talking and selecting. It would give me something to do, and maybe it would help her stress levels decrease.
So we switched spots, she leaned on my back, half cuddling with me, and I began taking a more active role in the wedding planning, ostensibly just by operating the computer. Within twenty minutes, her stress levels had decreased a lot, and I was assigned the tasks of finding a venue and an apartment for us to live in, and I was becoming heavily involved in the other wedding planning tasks.
And you know what? Sorry. This is 2010. Men, suck it up and help with the wedding planning. Once again I had bought into the culturally ingrained stereotypes, this time that men shouldn’t be involved very much in the wedding planning, and I found that stereotype to be actually damaging. So I kicked it in the teeth and moved on.
Susan has been nothing but happy and pleased I’ve taken a more active role. It’s more fun for me. And our wedding planner has been so gracious to the two of us, I think largely because we’re not Groomzilla and Bridezilla. I wonder if the other couples are more demanding than we are, and I wonder if Bridezillas are sometimes created in part by the lack of support from their male counterpart, and I wonder if that lack of support sometimes comes from buying into the myth that it’s the bride’s day so the guy should just shut up and let her do her planning thing.
But you know what? That day is going to be OUR day now, more than if I hadn’t decided to try and help. Now we’re both planning it. And it’s going to be a great day to start our life together—because we planned it together.
For more open-minded but chauvinistic writings, please visit Carl the OMC's blog, I Feel Like Schrodinger's Cat.