Better than...sex?

I’m getting really tired of being told that “women aren’t as sexual as men.” A bevy of useless statistics seem to roll around and around, surfacing every few years, suggesting that men think about sex every three seconds while women think about it only once every 24 hours (don’t lie—someone told you that statistic once—funny how it’s a different series of numbers but the same idea).

It’s interesting that this (false) stereotype about women not enjoying sex is running around society; women are always said to be “less sexual” when, in reality, women often enjoy healthy, happy sexual relationships.

There is a theory in the world of sexuality known as, the Kinsey scale. This theory states that perhaps sexuality is not either straight, gay or bi-sexual. Instead, perhaps sexuality could be ranged on a scale, so for instance, straight would be a one and homosexual would be a 7 therefore it would seem that there are varying degrees of sexuality. Maybe most straight people are actually a three, meaning that they occasionally find themselves attracted to a person of the same gender.

During this time period another friend told me about a study done that reported that straight men were sexually aroused when watching straight and lesbian porn, but not gay porn. Women however, were aroused when watching straight, gay and lesbian porn (sorry I’ve been looking for the actual study and haven’t been able to find it, so of course this paragraph is just heresay, but hopefully good heresay). Obviously, there are definite exceptions to these “rules” according to the study and while I tend to think more fluid definitions of sexuality are cool, this study is talking about a generalized population. I think that the important idea here is that women are capable of sexual desire and have a broad spectrum within their sexuality.

I think it’s incredibly ironic that, despite the female drive for sex, it’s still men who come out on top (sorry for the pun) as the supposed and cultural instigators of sexuality. If sex was the board game monopoly, men would own 90 percent of the property and have a dozen hotels on Boardwalk, while women have a couple of cheap properties and the occasional community chest win.

Basically girls, we've been cheated--cheated by the confusion of mixed messages. To demonstrate....

There is a constant joking in society, as well as representation within the media, that women just don’t want sex--normal women that is. Has anyone ever had the gorgeous decadence that is “Better than Sex” cake? (Devil’s food caked, soaked with sweetened condensed milk and caramel for a few hours and then covered with whipped cream). Whenever I would make it (which I’ll be honest is a lot) someone would usually call it, “Named by a woman” cake. The thing is, it’s constant, stupid jokes like this that keep feeding women the message that shouldn’t want sex, that their poor, sex-deprived husbands should have to beg them for sex. It’s jokes like these, that make women like me (who do happen to have a sex drive) feel a little bit uncomfortable in our own skin….I’ve had more than one boyfriend tell me that they thought I was more sexual than them, or even (once), that I was too sexually aware.

Similarly, popular science also mimics this trend by telling women, "sex for you is only emotional" and to men "sex is only physical for you". (How about this world--maybe, sex could be a little bit of both for BOTH genders?)

In contrast to that, current trends in pornography showcase women as loving and demanding violent and aggressive acts of sexual violence; this information comes from the disturbing documentary, The Price of Pleasure, which found that 89% of popular pornography videos exhibited acts of sexual and physical violence against women.

It's CRAZY the mixed messages that women are receiving every single day. On the one hand, girls see super skinny models running around with no clothes, making pouty faces and asking to be spanked; on the other side, women are thrown constant statistics and quippy jokes about how much they hate sex.

Basically, our society tells men, you are a sexual predator, and to women, you should be a sexual victim. When you're a young single woman you should have rape fantasies and love to be dominated, but once you get married, well then, you should give your husband sex even though you hate it, because well, he wants it and that's what men do (seriously, think back to all the sitcoms you've seen in your life).

Sexuality and the body are incredible gifts, and yet for some reason, women still can't own that part of themselves, they can't say, "no I do not want to be dominated" or "yes, I enjoy sex"; a weird mix of the Victorian ideal that sex sucks for a woman and they should hate it whilst simultaneously asking to be dominated, has been lingering in our society for far too long—come on people, let's stop telling everyone that men are sex-crazed maniacs (because that doesn't do anyone ANY good) and that women are hormone-less, sex-less victims and get emancipated.

**For your enjoyment I’m including a trailer to a new movie called Hysteria about the invention of the vibrator and it looks hysterical (haha--aren't I funny). Plus, it has Maggie Gyllenhaal in it and sometimes people say I look like her (although that’s not really important).